Friday Fix: How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself

Listen to the episode on The Verywell Mind Podcast, or read the transcript below.

Amy Morin, LCSW: Self-sabotage is a strange concept. We claim we want to reach a goal, yet we complain about the obstacles that threaten our chances of success.

The truth is, more often than not, the biggest hurdle to achievement is ourselves. We sabotage ourselves in clever and unintentional ways.

As a therapist, I've observed self-sabotage frequently. Some people don't even realize they're doing it.

Why would we blow our own chances of success?

This episode explores the psychology behind self-sabotage and discusses the seven major reasons why we do it. Becoming aware of these reasons can help you recognize self-sabotage when it's happening.

I also provide practical tips on how to fix self-sabotage, so you can get out of your own way and start working towards your goals.

More About This Podcast

The Verywell Mind Podcast is available across all streaming platforms. If you enjoy the show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.

Reviews and ratings are a great way to encourage others to listen and help them prioritize their mental health too.

Transcript

Amy Morin, LCSW: Hi, I'm Amy Morin, LCSW, and this is the Verywell Mind Podcast. I'm a licensed psychotherapist, mental health expert, and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. Today, I'm talking about self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage is a strange concept. We claim we want to reach a goal, yet we complain about the obstacles that threaten our chances of success.

For example, have you ever met someone who parties all night before a big test or buys a car they can't afford when they're almost debt-free?

The truth is, more often than not, the biggest hurdle to achievement is ourselves. We sabotage ourselves in clever and unintentional ways.

As a therapist, I've observed self-sabotage frequently. Some people don't even realize they're doing it. When I ask my clients why they're blowing their own chances of success, they often have a hard time explaining their behavior.

So why would we sabotage our own goals? Here are seven major reasons:

1. Fear of Failure: Sometimes, we sabotage ourselves because we're afraid of failing. If we set a goal and then don't achieve it, we might feel like we're not good enough or that we're a failure.

2. Fear of Success: In some cases, people sabotage themselves because they're afraid of succeeding. They might be afraid of the responsibility that comes with success or the changes that success will bring to their lives.

3. Low Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem often self-sabotage because they don't believe they deserve to be successful. They might think that they're not smart enough, not talented enough, or not good enough to achieve their goals.

4. Unrealistic Expectations: When we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, we're setting ourselves up for failure. If we expect to be perfect at everything we do, we're likely to feel disappointed and discouraged when we make mistakes.

5. Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Some people use self-sabotage as a way to cope with stress or difficult emotions. For example, someone who is feeling anxious about a job interview might self-sabotage by not preparing for the interview or by showing up late.

6. Procrastination: Procrastination is a common form of self-sabotage. When we procrastinate, we're putting off tasks that we need to do to achieve our goals. This can lead to missed deadlines, lost opportunities, and a sense of guilt and shame.

7. Lack of Motivation: Sometimes, we self-sabotage because we simply lack the motivation to achieve our goals. We might not be passionate about the goal or see the point in working towards it.

If you find yourself engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors, it's important to become aware of what you're doing and why you're doing it. Once you're aware of your self-sabotaging behaviors, you can start making changes.

Here are some tips for fixing self-sabotage:

• Identify your self-sabotaging behaviors: The first step to fixing self-sabotage is to identify the behaviors that you're engaging in that are undermining your goals. Once you know what you're doing that's holding you back, you can start to change it.

• Challenge your negative thoughts: Self-sabotaging behaviors are often driven by negative thoughts about ourselves, our abilities, and our chances of success. Challenge these negative thoughts by asking yourself if there's any evidence to support them. Are you really as incapable as you think you are? Are you really as likely to fail as you believe you are?

• Set realistic goals: If you're setting unrealistic expectations for yourself, you're setting yourself up for failure. Instead, set realistic goals that you know you can achieve. This will help you feel more motivated and confident, and it will reduce your chances of self-sabotage.

• Find healthy ways to cope with stress: If you're using self-sabotage as a way to cope with stress or difficult emotions, find healthier ways to cope. This could involve talking to a friend or family member, exercising, or practicing mindfulness.

• Get help from a therapist: If you're struggling to fix self-sabotage on your own, don't be afraid to seek help from a therapist. A therapist can help you identify the root of your self-sabotaging behaviors and develop strategies for overcoming them.

Self-sabotage is a common problem, but it's one that you can overcome. By becoming aware of your self-sabotaging behaviors, challenging your negative thoughts, setting realistic goals, and finding healthy ways to cope with stress, you can get out of your own way and start working towards your goals.