Is a Monogamish Relationship Right For You?

A monogamish relationship falls between a monogamous relationship and an open relationship. It features commitment with flexibility when it comes to intimacy outside the primary partnership. It appears differently for each couple, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach.

What Is a Monogamish Relationship?

It's a flexible agreement with boundaries and rules about relational encounters with third parties. Each couple tailors it to their values and needs. Dan Savage coined the term to describe his relationship, where he and his long-term partner were committed but had occasional intimate encounters with others.

How It Might Work

Discuss feelings, preferences, needs, and boundaries with your partner. Mutually agree on what’s permitted outside the relationship. Decide what activities or level of intimacy are off-limits. Set rules, such as how often encounters are allowed or where they can take place. Both partners should want the arrangement and agree to the terms.

Potential Benefits

• Customizable Relationship: Tailor the relationship to fit your needs and personal values.
• Fulfill Unmet Needs: Explore needs not met within the relationship.
• Fresh Experiences: Seek excitement and variety while maintaining stability and companionship.
• Improved Communication and Bonding: Strengthen the bond by discussing needs, encouraging fulfillment, and sharing vulnerabilities.

Potential Risks

• Jealousy and Insecurity: Partners may experience jealousy upon seeing each other with someone else.
• Misunderstandings: Poor communication, unspoken expectations, or unclear boundaries can cause conflict.
• Imbalanced Dynamic: If one partner isn't comfortable with the arrangement, they may start to resent the other.
• Romantic Involvement: Emotional attachments with people outside the relationship can jeopardize it.
• Dishonesty: Breaking rules or crossing boundaries can violate trust.
• Stigma: Non-monogamous relationships face social stigma in many societies.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Being Monogamish

• Discuss Values and Needs: Talk about the most important aspects of your relationship and your individual and shared needs.
• Be Open and Honest: Share your feelings, both positive and negative, to foster intimacy and trust.
• Set Clear Boundaries: Define what activities are allowed and off-limits, how much time can be spent with others, and acceptable communication.
• Be Willing to Compromise: Finding an arrangement that works for both partners may require compromise and listening to each other's concerns.

Remember that a monogamish relationship requires trust, consensual agreement, and honest communication. Both partners need to respect the arrangement, communicate their feelings, requests, and needs along the way, and above all, want it and agree to the terms.