Understanding and Addressing Micro Cheating, According to a Therapist

Micro cheating, a form of infidelity, involves engaging in actions that demonstrate interest in someone outside of one's own relationship, potentially eroding trust and crossing emotional boundaries. Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author, sheds light on this complex issue and offers guidance on how to cope with it.

Defining Micro Cheating

Micro cheating can manifest in various forms, including:

• Flirtatious Behavior: Engaging in playful or suggestive conversations, actions, body language, or eye contact with someone outside the relationship.

• Digital Interactions: Sending flirtatious text messages or engaging in social media interactions, such as liking or commenting on someone's posts.

• Compliments: Giving someone compliments or special attention that may overstep appropriate boundaries.

• Gifts: Giving or receiving gifts with romantic connotations.

• Intimacy: Sharing intimate feelings, thoughts, desires, or struggles with someone outside the relationship.

• Physical Contact: Touching, hugging, or kissing someone, or engaging in other forms of physical contact that may be considered inappropriate.

• Fantasies: Fantasizing about someone outside the relationship.

• Dating Profiles: Maintaining active profiles on dating apps, suggesting availability for romantic connections.

It's important to note that the definition of micro cheating can vary from relationship to relationship. What may seem harmless to one person may be considered a significant breach of trust to another.

Distinguishing Micro Cheating from Full-Fledged Cheating

The line between micro cheating and full-scale cheating can be ambiguous, as couples may have different definitions of infidelity, says de Llano. However, certain factors can indicate when micro cheating crosses the line into full-scale betrayal:

• Intent: The person actively seeks romantic, emotional, or physical fulfillment outside the relationship.

• Secrecy: The person hides conversations, messages, or social media interactions from their partner or deletes evidence to avoid detection.

• Relationship Impact: The person's behaviors erode trust, commitment, and the overall health of the relationship.

• Emotional Involvement: The person develops genuine feelings for someone outside the relationship.

• Physical Intimacy: The person engages in physical intimacy with someone outside the relationship.

Research suggests that while most romantic relationships in the United States have expectations of monogamy, a significant portion of couples engage in infidelity.

Coping Strategies for Micro Cheating

If you suspect that your partner may be engaging in micro cheating, consider these strategies for coping with the situation:

• Avoid Emotional Reactions: It's natural to feel angry, upset, or betrayed, but reacting emotionally may escalate the situation. Instead, wait until you've calmed down to address the issue.

• Discuss the Issue with Your Partner: Create a safe space for open communication. Express your feelings and concerns without blaming or accusing your partner.

• Define Relationship Boundaries: Collaborate with your partner to redefine the boundaries of your relationship, establishing what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior for both of you.

• Work on Strengthening Your Bond: Micro cheating doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship. Focus on rebuilding communication, taking accountability, and working towards forgiveness and deeper intimacy.

• Seek Support: Dealing with infidelity can be overwhelming. Consider seeking therapy or couples counseling to process your emotions and address conflicts in a neutral environment.

Navigating micro cheating requires empathy, open communication, and a willingness to work on the relationship. While it can be a challenging experience, it's possible to move forward and rebuild trust with the right approach and support.