Betrayal Trauma: The Impact of Being Betrayed

Betrayal trauma refers to the intense emotional distress experienced when someone's trust and well-being are violated, often by people or institutions that hold importance in their life. This type of trauma commonly stems from primary attachment figures in childhood, such as parents or caregivers, and often carries over into adulthood, particularly in romantic relationships, according to Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.

In this article, we delve into the causes, symptoms, and consequences of betrayal trauma, along with coping mechanisms that may provide support and relief.

Origins of Betrayal Trauma Theory

Dr. Jennifer Freyd, an American psychology researcher, introduced the betrayal trauma theory in 1991. The theory posits that betrayal trauma may occur when:

• An individual experiences terror, sometimes involving their safety or life.
• An individual is betrayed by someone they depend on for survival, typically a parent or caregiver, who they rely on for basic needs such as food, shelter, and other necessities.

According to the theory, childhood experiences like physical, sexual, or sadistic abuse by a caregiver exemplify traumatic betrayals. These betrayals can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), especially if the incident induced intense fear.

Paradoxically, the theory suggests that children may be more inclined to block out or dissociate the abuse or betrayal from their conscious memory if they are reliant on the caregiver for their daily needs and survival. Essentially, their brain suppresses the betrayal to preserve their relationship with the caregiver and ensure their survival. If the child were to process the betrayal normally, they might start avoiding the caregiver and cease interacting with them, which could pose a threat to their survival.

Consequences and Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma

Dr. Romanoff sheds light on the impact of betrayal trauma and the symptoms that may arise as a result:

Impact of Betrayal Trauma

The inability to simply sever ties with the perpetrator is what makes betrayal trauma particularly distressing. For instance, when a child is abused or betrayed by a parent or caregiver, they remain reliant on them even though the parent is no longer trustworthy or safe. This creates a complex relationship where the primary attachment figure is simultaneously the source of harm and support.

As children grow into adults, they may find themselves in relationships with partners who violate their needs in familiar ways. In an attempt to reconcile the conflicting roles of harm and care, individuals may avoid processing harmful behavior, normalize unhealthy behaviors, fabricate fantasies to compensate for painful memories, or even self-blame.

At its core, betrayal trauma tends to lead to dissociation from the trauma. Consequently, individuals struggle with the ramifications of extreme dissociation of their emotions, feelings, and reactions to the trauma. Self-medication through substances, food, relationships, sex, or other distractions is a common coping mechanism.

Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma can have a significant impact on an individual, leading to various symptoms and health conditions, including:

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Dissociation
• Difficulty concentrating
• Emotional dysregulation
• Challenges with trust and relationships
• Physical pain and gastrointestinal issues
• Substance abuse
• Eating disorders

Causes of Betrayal Trauma

Dr. Romanoff identifies some common causes of betrayal trauma, both in childhood and adulthood:

Childhood Trauma

Childhood abuse, encompassing physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse, is a prevalent cause of betrayal trauma.

Trauma in Adulthood

In adulthood, betrayal trauma is frequently encountered in relationships with intimate partners, especially for individuals with a history of trauma. However, it can also be experienced in relationships with close friends, colleagues, or other individuals in one's life.

Institutional betrayal can also occur when an institution that an individual relies on fails to prevent or adequately address wrongdoings committed by individuals within the institution, such as in cases of sexual assault at a workplace or school.

Betrayal trauma in adulthood may manifest in various forms:

• Physical, emotional, sexual, or verbal abuse
• Infidelity
• Financial discrepancies or significant debt
• Ulterior motives or other secretive behaviors

Coping with Betrayal Trauma

Navigating the aftermath of betrayal trauma requires a thoughtful approach. Dr. Romanoff suggests several steps that may be beneficial:

• Acknowledging the Betrayal: The initial step involves acknowledging how you were betrayed and the extent of the hurt you experienced. Be honest with yourself and contemplate the impact of the betrayal on your relationship and overall life.
• Journaling Your Feelings: Writing down your feelings in a journal can provide relief. This exercise can help you identify and reflect on the emotions you are experiencing, rather than suppressing or avoiding them.
• Processing Your Emotions: Confronting past traumatic experiences can elicit a range of emotions, including grief, fear, anger, regret, loss, and anxiety. Processing these emotions is crucial for the healing process.
• Seeking Support or Treatment: Reaching out for support from a friend or seeking professional help from a therapist can be invaluable. Individuals who have experienced betrayal trauma often feel like self-reliance is the only option and may isolate themselves. Instead, it is essential to do the opposite and reach out for support or treatment.
• Establishing Boundaries: If the person who betrayed you remains in your life in some capacity, setting firm boundaries in your relationship is essential to safeguard your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
• Recognizing Patterns: If you have a history of betrayal trauma, it is crucial to recognize whether it is affecting your current relationships. Remember that you deserve mutually supportive and beneficial relationships.