Broken Families: Understanding and Navigating Estrangements

Families are the foundation of our lives, but unfortunately, not all families are harmonious. Estrangements, or prolonged separations, between family members can occur due to various reasons. To gain insights into the causes of estrangements and how to navigate them, Verywell Mind sought the expertise of Dr. Frank Anderson, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist specializing in trauma treatment.

Understanding Estrangement in Families

Dr. Anderson defines broken families as those with unhealthy or severed relationships within the family unit. While often associated with divorce, estrangements can also occur in intact families where members have conflicts or are estranged from one another.

Common Causes of Estrangement

Several factors can contribute to estrangements among family members, including:

• Abuse: This can include sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. Abuse often stems from other factors like mental health problems, causing relationship trauma.

• Mental Health Issues: Mental health conditions or substance use issues can lead to estrangement. Addressing these issues is crucial before attempting to repair relationships.

• Financial Abuse: Money-related issues can strain relationships, especially within families. Open and honest communication about financial concerns is essential.

• Differing Beliefs: Political or religious differences can cause estrangements if they affect a family member's ability to be kind and respectful towards others.

• Boundary Crossings: Setting and respecting boundaries is crucial in family relationships. When boundaries are crossed, it can lead to conflict and estrangement.

• Overly Controlling Parents or Parental Figures: Parental control can become excessive, negatively impacting adult children's personal lives and relationships. Understanding and addressing these dynamics is important.

• Refusals to Apologize: Refusing to apologize can hinder conflict resolution and healing. Understanding the motives behind refusals is crucial.

Assessing the Worthiness of a Familial Relationship

Before deciding whether a familial relationship is worth saving, consider the nature of the relationship before it soured. If it was meaningful and positive, it may be worth repairing.

Repairing Relationships with Family Members

Effective relationship repair requires willingness from both parties to listen, even to potentially hurtful things. Honesty and openness about feelings are essential. A third-party mediator can be helpful in facilitating discussions.

Accepting the End of a Family Relationship

In some cases, estrangement may be necessary to protect mental health. Forgiveness is possible without reinstating a relationship. Therapy can be beneficial in processing the end of an important relationship.

Conclusion

Family relationships are complex, and conflict is inevitable. Effective communication, forgiveness, and professional help can often resolve conflicts. However, sometimes estrangement may be necessary. Accepting estrangement and setting healthy boundaries can prevent further pain. Moving past hurtful experiences and forgiving family members, whether to repair a relationship or for personal well-being, is essential for mental health.