Signs You're Dating a Person With Alcohol Use Disorder

Disclaimer: We at Verywell Mind believe people are not defined by their challenges and all deserve to be addressed respectfully. In keeping with the language of "The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition," and in Verywell Mind's people-first approach, we have replaced the term "alcoholic" with "person with alcohol use disorder" or similar language wherever possible.

Spotting alcohol use disorder (AUD) in its early stages can be challenging. If you're wondering, "Is my boyfriend/girlfriend a person with alcohol use disorder?," you've probably noticed one or more worrisome behaviors or intuitively picked up on a subtle clue. Here are eight signs of alcohol use disorder to watch for in someone you're dating:

The DSM-5-TR defines alcohol use disorder as "a problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress." A diagnosis requires that the person meet two of the 11 diagnostic criteria within a 12-month period.

Early Signs of AUD

AUD is a progressive disease that develops over time. Contrary to stereotypes, the signs can be subtle. When someone at risk for developing an alcohol use disorder continues to drink, the signs become more apparent and numerous until the problem finally becomes obvious.

Here's what to look for if you're questioning whether your significant other is developing alcohol use disorder:

1. Drinking more than intended: If your partner consistently drinks more than they planned or initially intended, it could be a sign of alcohol use disorder. Pay attention to how often they exceed their limits or drink to the point of intoxication.

2. Inability to control drinking: A person with AUD may find it challenging to control their drinking, even if they want to. They might continue drinking even when they know it's causing problems in their life or relationships.

3. Increasing tolerance: As alcohol use disorder progresses, the body builds up a tolerance to alcohol. This means that your partner may need to drink more and more alcohol to feel the same effects.

4. Withdrawal symptoms: When someone with AUD suddenly stops drinking, they may experience physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms, such as anxiety, shakiness, sweating, nausea, and difficulty sleeping.

5. Spending a lot of time drinking or recovering from drinking: If your partner spends a significant amount of time drinking or recovering from the effects of drinking, it could be a sign of AUD. Pay attention to how much of their free time is dedicated to alcohol-related activities.

6. Neglecting responsibilities: People with AUD may start to neglect their responsibilities at work, school, or home. They might miss appointments, deadlines, or fail to meet their obligations due to drinking.

7. Relationship problems: AUD can take a toll on relationships. A person with AUD may become irritable, argumentative, or emotionally distant. They might also engage in risky or aggressive behaviors that can strain their relationships.

8. Continued drinking despite negative consequences: Despite experiencing negative consequences as a result of their drinking, such as legal problems, job loss, or relationship problems, a person with AUD may continue to drink. This is a strong indication of alcohol use disorder.

If you're concerned that your partner may have alcohol use disorder, it's important to talk to them about your concerns. Express your support and willingness to help them seek professional treatment. Remember, alcohol use disorder is a treatable condition, and with the right support, your partner can recover and lead a healthy, fulfilling life.