How to Stop Saying Hurtful Things You Don't Mean

Craig's Concern:

Craig, a 32-year-old man, worries that his habit of saying hurtful things to his wife is damaging their relationship. He wants to know how to change this behavior.

Amy's Advice:

1. Acknowledge Your Behavior:

2. Recognize that your words are causing pain and damaging your relationship.

3. Take responsibility for your actions and the hurt they cause.

4. Take Ownership:

5. Focus on changing your behavior rather than expecting your wife to change.

6. Take charge of your emotions and reactions.

7. Offer an Explanation:

8. Provide a calm explanation for your behavior without making excuses.

9. Take responsibility for your emotions and actions.

10. Recognize Physical Signs:

11. Learn to identify physical signs of stress and anger, such as a racing heart or flushed face.

12. Pause when these signs appear to avoid saying hurtful things.

13. Create a Collaborative Plan:

14. Partner with your wife to develop a plan that supports your efforts to remain calm.

15. This plan might involve taking breaks, using specific phrases, or communicating about your feelings.

16. Engage in Self-Reflection:

17. Analyze the reasons behind your defensiveness.

18. Are you making incorrect assumptions about your wife's intentions or actions?

19. Practice Healthy Communication:

20. Avoid ignoring problems as they arise.

21. Communicate your concerns calmly and address issues promptly.

22. Seek Professional Help:

23. Consider seeking therapy if you find it difficult to change your behavior on your own.

Remember, change takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and seek support if needed.