Ask a Therapist: How to Cope With Unwanted Memories

Reader Question:

I have unpleasant memories that pop up randomly and ruin my mood. How can I stop them from appearing?

Therapist's Answer:

Unwanted memories can be bothersome and intrusive. The good news is there are ways to handle them.

1. Understand the Nature of Emotional Memories: Emotional memories tend to leave a strong imprint on our brains, potentially leading to vivid recall even if we forget other details. This is due to the involvement of the amygdala in processing emotions and memory formation.

2. Identify Triggers: Certain sounds, smells, or situations can trigger these memories. Understanding your triggers can help you make informed decisions about how to respond. You may choose to avoid them or work on associating the triggers with more positive experiences.

3. Processing Through Writing: Writing about these memories in a journal, focusing on objective facts, can help your brain reorganize them and potentially reduce their disruptive impact when they arise in the future.

4. Consider Seeking Professional Help: Talking to a therapist can be beneficial for coping with bad memories or traumatic episodes. Therapists are trained to help you change your self-narrative, develop coping strategies, and address their underlying causes.

5. Recognize Patterns: Are your memories related to a specific event or theme? Identifying patterns can help you understand why they appear and develop strategies for managing them.

6. Engage in Activities: Engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy can provide a distraction from the memories and help you reduce their frequency and intensity.

7. Relaxation Techniques: Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can help you manage stress and anxiety associated with these memories.

8. Reframe Negative Thoughts: Challenge negative thoughts and beliefs that might stem from these memories. Remind yourself that the past does not define you and that you can learn from these experiences.

9. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and understanding toward yourself when dealing with these memories. Remember that it's normal to experience unpleasant memories, and it takes time to heal and grow from them.