Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity: A Therapist's Perspective

Welcome to the "Ask a Therapist" column, where I address your questions about mental health and psychology. If you're battling a mental health condition, coping with anxiety, or seeking insights from a therapist, I'm here to help.

Question: My spouse had an affair a year ago. Though I've forgiven them, I struggle to trust them again. I often check their phone and go through their belongings to ensure they're not cheating again. I feel guilty about it, but if they cheated once, can they do it again?

Therapist's Response:

Understanding Forgiveness:

• Forgiveness doesn't imply condoning the infidelity. It's about letting go of anger and resentment so you can move forward.
• Forgiveness is a conscious choice that requires ongoing effort.

Rebuilding Trust:

• An affair is often a symptom of deeper problems within the relationship.
• To prevent infidelity from recurring, you both must address the underlying issues.
• Explore the reasons behind the infidelity and develop strategies to strengthen your relationship.

Your Spouse's Response:

• Consider your spouse's response to the affair.
• Are they remorseful and committed to repairing the relationship?
• If they're blaming you or minimizing your pain, it's understandable to struggle with trust.

Your Response:

• Continuously snooping through your spouse's belongings or interrogating them will only erode your relationship further.
• Instead, focus on healing and rebuilding trust.
• Talk openly about your feelings and concerns, encouraging transparency and honesty.

Seeking Professional Help:

• If you find it challenging to overcome your trust issues on your own, consider seeking professional help.
• A therapist can provide a safe environment for you and your spouse to address the underlying issues.

Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a journey, not a destination. It requires patience, commitment, and a willingness to work together. With time, you can create a stronger and more resilient relationship.