Why Do I Cry When I Get Mad?

Crying when angry is a common emotional response that can be confusing, embarrassing, and frustrating. It can leave you wondering why it happens and how to manage it.

Understanding the Emotional Response

Psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, explains that crying when angry is often a result of underlying feelings of hurt or sadness. Instead of directly expressing vulnerability by acknowledging emotions like sadness and hopelessness, it might initially feel easier to express anger. Once the anger is expressed, it becomes easier to access the underlying pain and emotions, leading to tears.

Reasons for Crying When Angry

Anger can trigger various emotions beyond just sadness, including aggression, depression, anxiety, and criticism. Understanding these emotional reactions can help you better manage your anger and cope with the tendency to cry when you're angry.

1. Aggression:

Anger can manifest as overt aggression, like physically breaking things, or indirect aggression, like using sarcasm.

2. Depression and Anxiety:

After anger, depression and anxiety are commonly seen secondary emotional reactions. We might replace anger with less threatening emotions like depression and anxiety, as anger is often perceived as a harmful emotion that threatens relationships.

3. Criticism:

When feeling angry, people often become critical, finding fault in others instead of addressing issues constructively.

Pros and Cons of Crying When Mad

Crying when angry can have both positive and negative aspects:

Benefits:

• Self-Soothing: Crying helps regulate and control your breathing, slowing down your heart rate and bringing you to a relaxed state.
• Coping Mechanism: Crying can act as a way to cope with intense emotions, providing a sense of release and relief.
• Emotional Understanding: Crying can indicate the importance of a situation and your feelings, helping you understand yourself and the impact of the situation.
• Emotional Compass: Tears can guide you towards areas that need deeper examination and processing, serving as a compass for your emotions.

Disadvantages:

• Perception of Weakness: Crying in public or with individuals you're not comfortable with may raise concerns about how others perceive you, leading to embarrassment or frustration.
• Situational Inappropriateness: Crying can be disadvantageous in situations where you don't want to reveal your true feelings, as it might change others' perceptions of you or result in misunderstandings.

Coping Strategies

Managing tears and anger in a healthy way is essential for emotional well-being. Here are some strategies to help you cope:

• Take Deep Breaths: Taking deep breaths helps calm your body and mind, reducing impulsivity and improving decision-making.
• Communicate Your Feelings: Talk to a friend, family member, or journal about your feelings to process and express them.
• Maintain Composure in Public: Temporarily suppress tears in public, explaining to the other person your need for a pause or change of subject.
• Release Emotions Privately: Embrace tears as a form of emotional release when you feel safe. Crying is a built-in mechanism for emotional regulation and shouldn't be resisted when needed.

Stopping the Tears

There are techniques that may help you stop crying when angry:

• Deep Breathing: Take deep, slow breaths to calm your body and mind.
• Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Relax muscle groups one at a time, starting from your toes and working your way up to your head.
• Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings about the situation to help process and release them.
• Exercise: Engage in physical activity to reduce tension and release pent-up emotions.
• Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness techniques to bring your attention to the present moment and reduce emotional intensity.
• Drink Cold Water: Drinking cold water can help calm your nervous system and reduce your urge to cry.
• Spend Time Outdoors: Get some fresh air and sunshine to clear your head and gain a new perspective.
• Take Moments to Yourself: Step away from the situation to gather your thoughts and emotions.

Remember, it's normal and valid to cry when you're angry. Embrace and understand your emotions instead of suppressing them. If you're concerned about crying in public or with certain individuals, there are strategies to help you manage your emotions effectively and regain emotional control.