Understanding Hoovering: The Manipulative Tactics of Narcissists

When attempting to create distance from a narcissistic individual, be prepared for potential tactics they may employ to pull you back in—a behavior known as hoovering. This calculated effort to reconnect often stems from their desire for emotional satisfaction, control, or maintaining a source of narcissistic supply. Understanding the psychology behind hoovering can help you recognize and navigate these attempts.

The Psychology Behind Hoovering:

1. Fear of Abandonment: Narcissists often harbor a deep-seated fear of being abandoned or left alone. When you attempt to leave or create distance, they might engage in hoovering to prevent or reverse this perceived rejection.

2. Need for Control: Narcissists crave control and dominance in relationships. Ending a relationship or asserting boundaries threatens their sense of power. Hoovering becomes an attempt to regain this control and reassert their influence over you.

3. Entitlement: Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement. They may believe that you owe them something, leading them to use hoovering as a means to reclaim what they feel is theirs.

4. Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists rely on admiration and attention from others to bolster their fragile self-esteem. When you distance yourself, they experience a shortage of narcissistic supply. Hoovering becomes a way to restore this supply and maintain their sense of self-worth.

5. Ego Preservation: Narcissists' fragile egos struggle with rejection or the idea that someone has moved on without them. Hoovering becomes an attempt to protect their self-image and fragile sense of self-esteem.

Common Hoovering Tactics:

1. Love Bombing: The narcissist may suddenly express love, affection, and compliments in an attempt to win you back. This sudden shift in behavior is often