Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving

At a Glance

• Zick Rubin created scales to measure "liking" and "loving" to understand the nuances of close relationships.

Introduction

Researchers have proposed various theories to define and comprehend the nature of love. To delve deeper into this topic, social psychologist Zick Rubin developed an instrument for empirically measuring love. This article explores Rubin's scales for assessing liking and loving, along with his theories on the fundamental components of love. We will learn how these scales illustrate the distinction between liking and loving.

Rubin's Elements of Love

According to Rubin, romantic love consists of three core elements:

• Attachment: The need to be cared for and spend time with the other person. Physical contact and approval play significant roles in forming attachments.
• Caring: Valuing the other person's happiness and needs as much as your own.
• Intimacy: Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person.

The Difference Between Liking and Loving

• Loving: Characterized by feelings of attachment, caring, and intimacy.
• Liking: Characterized by feelings of closeness, admiration, warmth, and respect.

Rubin's Scales for Measuring Liking and Loving

Based on his conceptualization of romantic love, Rubin developed two questionnaires to gauge the variables of "like" and "love." The questionnaires were designed to identify reliable measures of these two variables.

Questions in Rubin's Liking and Loving Scale:

• Items Measuring Liking:
• "I feel that ______ is a very stable person."
• "I have confidence in __'s opinions."
• "I think that __ is usually well-adjusted."

• "____ is one of the most likeable people I know."

• Items Measuring Loving:

• "I feel strong feelings of possessiveness towards ______."
• "I like it when ____ confides in me."
• "I would do almost anything for _______.
• "I find it easy to ignore ____'s faults."

Participants rate their responses on a scale from 1 (not true) to 9 (definitely true).

Rubin's Research Findings

Rubin's scales provided empirical support for his theory of love. In a study differentiating liking and loving, participants completed questionnaires based on their feelings towards their romantic partner and a close friend. The results showed that good friends scored higher on the liking scale, while only significant others scored highly on the loving scale.

Rubin's research also revealed other characteristics that distinguished degrees of romantic love. For instance, individuals who scored higher on the love scale spent more time gazing into each other's eyes compared to those who scored lower.

Other Theories of Love

Other researchers have introduced their own theories related to the concept of love:

• Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love: Suggests that romantic love is composed of passion and intimacy. When commitment is added to this mix, it becomes consummate love, the ideal type of relationship.
• John Lee's Color Wheel Model of Love: Proposes three main love styles: eros (passionate), ludus (playful), and storge (family love). Lee later expanded this model to include three additional styles: mania (obsessive), pragma (realistic and practical), and agape (selfless).
• Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver's Attachment Theory of Love: Suggests that love is similar to the attachments we form with our parents during early childhood. These attachment styles include anxious/ambivalent, avoidant, or secure attachments, which influence how we love in adult relationships.

Conclusion

Rubin's scales of liking and loving provide a means to measure the intricate feelings of closeness we experience in relationships. Rubin's research laid the groundwork for our understanding of romantic love and paved the way for further exploration. Today, psychological and sociological researchers continue to examine the distinction between liking and loving and investigate how these intimate emotions impact our physical and mental well-being.