The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk refers to the critical, negative, or punishing comments your inner voice makes. These pessimistic, mean-spirited, or unfairly critical thoughts arise when you make judgments about yourself.

All of us have an inner critic. Sometimes, this voice can be helpful and keep us motivated toward goals—like when it reminds us about the potential unhealthiness of a food choice or warns us against unwise actions.

However, this voice can often be more harmful than helpful, especially when it becomes excessively negative. Negative self-talk can be highly demoralizing.

A Glance at Negative Self-talk

Negative self-talk is a common experience that comes in many forms. It can cause significant stress for us and for those around us if we're not careful. Here's what you need to know about negative self-talk and its effects on your body, mind, life, and loved ones.

What is Negative Self-Talk?

Negative self-talk can take many forms. It can sound:

• Grounded ("I'm not good at math, so I should avoid taking advanced math classes.")
• Mean ("I can never do anything right!")
• Hopeless ("I don't deserve to be happy!")
• Apathetic ("I'll fail anyways, so what's the point of trying.")
• Defeated ("That looks really hard. Even if I tried, I'd never be able to do it.")

It may seem like a realistic appraisal of a situation ("I got a C on this test. I guess I'm not good at math."), only to devolve into a fear-based fantasy ("I'll never be able to go to a good college").

The musings of your inner critic may sound a lot like a critical parent or friend from your past. It can follow the path of typical cognitive distortions: catastrophizing, blaming, and the like.

Negative self-talk is any inner dialogue that limits your belief in yourself and your abilities, preventing you from reaching your potential. It is any thought that diminishes your ability to make positive changes in your life or your confidence in yourself to do so.

Negative self-talk can be stressful and make it difficult to get motivated and achieve your goals.

Consequences of Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk can harm us in several damaging ways, including:

• Higher Risk of Mental Health Problems: Research has found that excessive rumination is linked to an increased risk of mental health problems, including depression.
• Increased Stress: Negative self-talk often leads to increased stress, as it alters reality to create an experience where reaching goals seems impossible.
• Reduced Success: Negative self-talk can limit your ability to see opportunities and capitalize on them, leading to a heightened sense of stress and decreased motivation.
• Other Damaging Effects: Negative self-talk can also lead to limited thinking, perfectionism, feelings of depression, and relationship challenges.

How to Minimize Negative Self-Talk

There are several ways to reduce negative self-talk in your daily life. Different strategies work for different people, so try a few and see which ones are most effective for you.

• Catch Your Critic: Learn to notice when you're being self-critical so you can stop. Notice when you say things to yourself that you wouldn't say to a good friend or a child.
• Remember That Thoughts Are Not Facts: Your thoughts and feelings about yourself are not necessarily accurate information. Your thoughts can be skewed like everyone else's, subject to biases and the influence of your moods.
• Give Your Inner Critic a Nickname: This can help you realize that you don't have to agree with your inner critic and that its thoughts can be ridiculous.
• Contain Your Negativity: Limit the damage your inner critic can cause by only allowing it to criticize certain things in your life or be negative for only an hour in your day.
• Change Negativity to Neutrality: Try changing the intensity of your language when engaging in negative self-talk. For example, "I can't stand this" becomes, "This is challenging."
• Cross-Examine Your Inner Critic: Ask yourself how true your negative thoughts are. The vast majority of negative self-talk is an exaggeration. Calling yourself on this can help take away its damaging influence.
• Think Like a Friend: Imagine saying your negative thoughts to a treasured friend. This can help you shift your self-talk in general.
• Shift Your Perspective: Look at things in the long term or imagine yourself panning out and looking at your problems from a great distance. This can minimize the negativity, fear, and urgency in negative self-talk.
• Say It Aloud: Saying your negative thoughts aloud can help you realize how unreasonable and unrealistic they sound. This will remind you to give yourself a break.
• Stop That Thought: For some, simply stopping negative thoughts in their tracks can be helpful. This is known as "thought-stopping" and can be done by snapping a rubber band on your wrist, visualizing a stop sign, or simply changing to another thought when a negative one enters your mind.
• Replace the Bad With Some Good: Replace negative thoughts with something encouraging and accurate. Repeat this until you find yourself needing to do it less and less often.

What This Means For You

Negative self-talk can be devastating for your mental well-being. It undercuts your motivation, leaves you susceptible to mental health problems, and makes it harder to be successful in life. Fortunately, you can take steps to change negative thoughts into more realistic or positive ones. Challenging negative self-talk, replacing negative thoughts, and treating yourself like you would a friend are just a few tactics that can help. If you still struggle to keep those negative thoughts under control, consider talking to a mental health professional.