Should You Get Back With Your Ex? 4 Things to Consider

Considering rekindling a flame with an ex? Hold on before making any rash decisions. Your ex may still be the same person with the same issues that led to your breakup. Or you may be entertaining reconciliation for the wrong reasons.

At a Glance

• It's normal to second-guess yourself, mourn a breakup, and experience post-breakup depression.
• Remember why the relationship ended and examine your intention to reconcile.
• Getting back together with an ex can be challenging if there was broken trust, communication issues, or a lack of connection beyond the physical.
• If your ex criticized you, made you feel unseen, unheard, or disrespected, and handled conflict poorly, think twice about reigniting the relationship.

Why We May Feel This Way

• After a breakup, we may feel disappointed, sad, and emotionally pained, even depressed.
• In time, we may come to accept that the relationship wasn't working.
• Second-guessing and reminiscing about happy times can lead us to see the relationship through rose-colored glasses.
• Finding your ex attractive after the breakup might also influence your desire for reconciliation.

4 Reasons Why Reuniting Might Be a Mistake

Couples split up for a reason. Confusing missing someone with wanting to get back together is common. Here are four red flags that suggest rekindling the romance could be a bad idea:

1. Loss of Trust

• If trust was broken in the relationship (e.g., cheating), rebuilding it may be difficult.
• Forgiveness doesn't necessarily bring back trust.
• True intimacy needs trust as its foundation. You deserve a partner who is empathetic and trustworthy.

2. Problems With Communication

• Communication is vital for connection.
• If your ex avoided difficult conversations, became aggressive, or yelled, you deserve a partner who communicates respectfully.
• Destructive arguments can ruin relationships.
• If neither of you has become better communicators, these problems can resurface in a rekindled relationship.

3. Confusion Between Lust and Love

• Distinguishing between lust and love is crucial.
• Sexual chemistry is not necessarily about emotional connection.
• Intimate sex combines sexual desire and experiences with a deep, enduring bond.
• Love involves caring, devotion, and deep emotional attachment.

4. Lack of Friendship

• A good friend accepts you for who you are, offers affection, and trusts you.
• Enjoying each other's company is key to a healthy friendship.
• If you didn't have a friendship with your ex, something important was missing.
• Friendship is vital for a long-term relationship.
• Many couples start out as friends before becoming romantic partners.

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

• If you grew up in a dysfunctional family or experienced domestic abuse, you may be familiar with unhealthy relationships.
• Gaslighting, stalking, bullying, disrespect, and talking negatively about previous relationships are warning signs of an abusive partner.
• Ask yourself if your ex exhibited any of these behaviors. If they haven't resolved these issues, renewing the relationship may not be wise.

Questions to Ask Yourself

• Did your ex criticize you?
• Did you feel unsupported, uncomfortable, pressured, or afraid?
• Did you feel unseen, unheard, or disrespected?
• Did your ex complain about you or handle conflict poorly?
• Was communication lacking?
• Did your ex try to isolate you from friends and family?
• Did they treat you poorly and then show excessive affection later?
• Did they neglect spending time with you?
• Did they hide things from you?
• Were they dismissive of couples therapy?

You deserve a healthy relationship built on trust, affection, good communication, and intimacy. If you're feeling nostalgic for the good times with your ex, take some time for yourself. You may just be lonely and not genuinely desire a reunion.

There are ways to stay inspired after heartbreak. Be compassionate towards yourself, find ways to make yourself happy, pursue your hobbies and passions, and look forward to a wonderful future.