Shading: The No-Pressure Dating Trend of the Summer

If a person you've been dating seems to be pulling away during the summer, you might be experiencing shading firsthand. Shading is the act of being put on hold or given space to cool off temporarily. It could range from a short break to a silent breakup, providing a step away from the dating scene.

Understanding Shading

Shading refers to the trend of shelving or ending relationships during the summer months. It's not uncommon for people to want a break from dating apps and romantic commitments, especially when their calendars fill up with beach days, travel, and vacations.

As Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist, explains, people tend to prioritize an unentangled life in the summer, which can be challenging for those seeking long-term relationships.

Signs of Shading

Pay attention to changes in the person's behavior if you suspect shading:

• Reduced texting frequency
• Decreased date planning
• Increased time spent with friends over you
• Attending special events without inviting you
• Weekend getaways without you
• Conscious avoidance
• Complete ghosting

If you recognize these signs, remain calm and approach the situation in a non-confrontational manner to understand what's happening. Open communication can lead to a mutual decision about the relationship's direction during the summer.

Science Behind Shading and Warm Weather

Science suggests that weather changes influence people's attitudes, feelings, moods, and mental health. The sunny days of summer typically boost our mood, releasing feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin.

Kick-back and relaxation are natural inclinations after a long winter and spring. As a result, normal routines and commitments during June, July, and August may be disrupted or put aside, leading to shading.

Sunlight has been found to improve moods and counteract depression, according to studies. A Finnish study found a clear correlation between increased sunlight and reduced depression among participants in residential neighborhoods.

Communication During Shading

Communication is crucial in any relationship, especially during shading. If you're unsure why you're pulling back or if the other person's interest has waned, be honest. Arrange a time to sit down and discuss the situation openly.

Topics for discussion could include:

• Desire for a committed relationship
• Preference for a no-strings-attached relationship
• Craving for more alone time
• Willingness for a more spontaneous relationship during summer
• Need for a temporary break
• Consideration of a breakup

It's important to avoid shelving someone without their knowledge and to be consistent in your decisions. Romanoff emphasizes that those doing the shading shouldn't play with the other person's emotions by pulling them in and out as their needs change.

Coping with Shading

Romanoff acknowledges that dating can be challenging, especially when trying to determine a person's priorities and dating goals. Shading can be devastating for the person experiencing it.

However, there are healthy ways to deal with feelings of rejection:

• Assess: Acknowledge your feelings of loss and decide whether you want a short-term fling, a summer fling, or to wait for a long-term relationship.
• Be grateful: View shading as a favor, revealing the other person's intentions and freeing up your time and energy.
• Take time for yourself: Spend time alone to regulate emotions, reduce stress, and relax.
• Reframe: View the experience as a temporary romance and learn from it.
• Vent and share feelings: Spend time with supportive family and friends. Seek professional help if needed.
• Have fun: Engage in activities you enjoy, such as swimming, crafts, and spending time with loved ones.

Remember that flings are common during the summer, but many people seek more long-term relationships as the weather cools.