Reparenting in Therapy

Understanding Reparenting:

Reparenting is the act of an adult actively working to meet their emotional and physical needs that were not adequately fulfilled during childhood. This can include aspects such as affection, security, consistent routines and structure, emotional regulation, and compassion.

When parents or caregivers fail to fulfill a child's needs, the adult might need to learn to provide themselves with what was lacking in childhood, promoting their overall health and well-being.

In the context of therapy, reparenting allows adult clients to give themselves what they missed growing up. This involves learning new, adaptive ways of being with themselves and others, as well as unlearning maladaptive patterns of living.

Origins:

The concept of reparenting stems from the psychoanalytic theory of transactional analysis. Transactional analysis posits that we operate with three ego states: parent, adult, and child. Our childhood experiences, influenced by our parents and caregivers, shape our thoughts and behaviors in adulthood.

Reparenting, in transactional analysis, involves a process where clients unlearn harmful and unhealthy ways of being with themselves and others. The goal is to learn new, healthy thoughts and behaviors, enabling clients to experience what they might have missed in childhood.

Evolution of Reparenting:

Reparenting has evolved over time. Initially, it involved total regression, where individuals resided in mental health centers or institutions and received care from a therapist.

Time-limited regression is another variation, where individuals participate in regular therapy sessions instead of living with a therapist. This method has been helpful in addressing conditions like schizophrenia and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).

Spot reparenting focuses on specific traumas experienced by an individual, while self-reparenting is the most prevalent form today. With self-reparenting, individuals take responsibility for their own reparenting process.

Embracing Self-Reparenting:

Self-reparenting involves intentional effort and work, often with the support of a trusted therapist knowledgeable about the process. A therapist can assist in exploring and clarifying harmful patterns that could benefit from reparenting, while also addressing pacing and potential roadblocks.

Self-reparenting entails addressing negative inner dialogue and replacing it with a healthier dialogue. It offers various benefits, including processing emotions, setting boundaries, viewing oneself and others more positively, fostering healthier relationships, and improving communication skills.

Beneficiaries of Reparenting:

Many individuals may have learned unhealthy patterns related to communication, self-view, boundaries, or relationships. Reparenting, particularly self-reparenting, can be valuable in breaking down these old patterns and establishing new, healthy ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

Individuals who have experienced emotional, physical, and sexual abuse or emotional and physical neglect can find substantial benefits from reparenting.

Considerations for Reparenting:

Reparenting is a gradual and effort-intensive process. Maintaining curiosity and openness to learning is crucial. Self-compassion and patience are key to allowing the process to unfold naturally. Intentionality and consistency in the work are essential, and reminding oneself of the progress made and the courage displayed in growth can be motivating.