Discussing Sexual Assault

Trigger Warning: This article contains information about sexual violence and rape that may be triggering for some survivors.

Deciding whether or not to tell someone you've been sexually assaulted is a personal choice. There's no right or wrong decision, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Every survivor's journey is different, and there's no set timeline or way to disclose.

It's crucial to remember that you're not alone if you've experienced sexual assault. It's also important to know that you have control over when, where, and with whom you choose to share your experience. Sharing your story can be empowering, but it's also important to protect yourself emotionally.

Things to Consider Before Disclosing:

• Trust: Think about whether you trust the person you're planning to talk to. Ask yourself:

  • Do I feel safe and comfortable with this person?
  • Are they respectful towards me?
  • Have they shown their support in the past?

• Supportiveness: Consider whether the person is likely to react in a supportive way. Ask yourself:

  • Are they likely to believe me?
  • Can they offer emotional support?
  • Do they know the person who assaulted me? (This could affect their response.)

• Boundaries: Before you disclose, think about setting some boundaries for the conversation. For example, you could say:

  • "I'm telling you this because I trust you, but I don't want you to share it with anyone else."
  • "I'd rather not answer any questions about what happened."
  • "I'm not ready to talk about this in a lot of detail yet."

• Privacy: Think about where and when you'll have the conversation. You'll probably want the person's full attention, and you'll need a private space where you're less likely to be interrupted.

• Support: If you're worried about how the person will react, you may want to talk to a therapist or counselor first. They can help you prepare for the conversation and support you afterwards.

Talking to a Romantic Partner:

• You don't have to share your sexual assault experience with your romantic partner. It's your choice whether or not to disclose. But you may want to tell them why you sometimes have flashbacks or nightmares. You might also want to tell them if you're uncomfortable with certain situations.

• If you do decide to tell your partner, you don't have to go into detail about what happened. You could say something like, "I'm not ready to talk about it in a lot of detail, but I want you to know that I've experienced sexual assault in the past."

Dealing with Unsupportive Responses:

• It would be great if everyone reacted with support when you disclosed your sexual assault experience. Unfortunately, not everyone will. They may ask questions or make unhelpful comments, like:

  • "What were you wearing?"
  • "What did you do to prevent it from happening?"
  • "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
  • "I don't believe that really happened."

• If the person you disclose to reacts in an unsupportive way, remember that it's not your fault. It's not your responsibility. You're not alone. There are people who will believe you and support you.

Getting Help:

• If you're not sure how to tell your story to your loved ones, or if you need support after someone has disbelieved you, there is professional help available. Here are some options:

  • Talk to a therapist. Find a therapist in your area or get help online through online therapy.
  • Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline. Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) to talk to someone trained to help people who have experienced sexual assault.
  • Chat online with RAINN. Chat online with a trained advocate who can offer support.

Remember:

• Deciding who to tell your story to isn't easy. And even if you're careful about who you tell, you may find that not everyone is able to be supportive.
• Getting professional help can help you process your emotions and make the best decisions for yourself after sexual assault.
• There is no timeline for when you should disclose your story. You get to decide when you're ready, who you want to tell, and how much you want to share.