BPD and Lying: Its Impact on Relationships

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterized by intense emotions, unstable relationships, and impulsive behavior. One of its hallmark symptoms is lying, which can severely damage relationships.

Is Lying a BPD Symptom?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) does not explicitly list lying as a diagnostic criterion for BPD. However, it is a common symptom experienced by many individuals with the disorder. The manifestation of lying in BPD can vary from person to person, ranging from occasional untruths to compulsive and pathological lying.

Why Do People with BPD Lie?

The reasons why individuals with BPD lie are complex and can vary depending on the individual. Some common reasons include:

• Fear of Abandonment: People with BPD often have a deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection. They may lie to avoid being left alone or to keep loved ones close.

• Shame and Self-Esteem Issues: Individuals with BPD often struggle with intense feelings of shame and low self-esteem. They may lie to conceal aspects of themselves that they find shameful or to protect their fragile sense of self.

• Manipulation and Control: Some individuals with BPD may lie to manipulate or control others. They may use lies to gain attention, sympathy, or to get what they want.

The Impact of Lying on Relationships

Lying can have devastating consequences for relationships. It can erode trust, damage intimacy, and lead to conflict, resentment, and emotional turmoil. In the context of BPD, lying can be particularly harmful because it can sabotage the very relationships that individuals with BPD fear losing the most.

Coping with Lying in a BPD Relationship

If you are in a relationship with someone with BPD, it is important to understand the reasons why they might lie. This understanding can foster compassion and empathy, and help you develop strategies for coping with the lies. Here are some tips:

1. Stay Calm and Unemotional: When you discover that someone with BPD has lied to you, try to remain calm and unemotional. Reacting with anger or frustration will only escalate the situation.

2. Address the Lie Directly: Once you have calmed down, address the lie directly with the person with BPD. Be honest about your feelings and let them know that their lying is hurtful.

3. Seek to Understand: Try to understand the reasons behind the lie. This can help you be more compassionate and develop strategies for preventing future lies.

4. Set Boundaries: Set clear boundaries and expectations in the relationship. Communicate what behaviors you will and will not tolerate, including lying.

5. Encourage Professional Help: If lying is causing significant distress in the relationship, encourage the person with BPD to seek professional help. Therapy can help them address the underlying issues contributing to the lying and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Conclusion

Lying is a common symptom of BPD that can have a detrimental impact on relationships. By understanding the reasons why people with BPD lie and developing strategies for coping with the lies, you can help improve the relationship and foster healing.