My Journey in Understanding Privilege, Oppression, and Their Impact on Relationships

My journey in learning about what privilege and oppression mean, and how they affect relationships, started when I was in graduate school studying anti-oppressive social work between 2008 and 2010. The things I learned in school helped me form a basic understanding, but my own experiences helped me understand these concepts on a deeper level.

Even though I did well in school and people encouraged me to keep going in my education, I realized that there was still a lot for me to learn about being anti-oppressive. I feel strongly about having ethical relationships because of my own experiences where people I thought were supposed to understand were the ones who oppressed me.

I also learned that people who are in a position of power use good intentions as an excuse for their harmful actions. This made me think about the things I could do with my own power, and I decided to be careful about situations where I could have a lot of control over other people.

Recently, I wrote an essay about how people from certain groups aren't seen enough in the media, and I mentioned my niece as an example without asking her first. Even though her mom didn't think it was a big deal at first, this made me realize how important it is to get people's consent before writing about them.

I learned in social work school that it's important to take responsibility for any harm you cause, even if you didn't mean to do it. This applies to my personal relationships, too. Sometimes, I try to help my loved ones so much that I don't realize that I'm pushing them to do things they don't want to do.

I'm a fat, queer, disabled woman, and I'm also an Indo-Trinidadian immigrant, so I'm aware of how my past traumas can affect my interactions, especially with well-meaning white people.

I recognize this, and I prioritize taking care of the needs of my loved ones, especially those who are more marginalized than me. This can sometimes mean putting their safety and comfort before my own.

I've reflected a lot on past relationships where I felt like I was being taken advantage of, and I've learned how power imbalances can be abused. My understanding of power and oppression has helped me get better at having ethical and fair relationships.

I'm especially careful about power dynamics when someone I love who is marginalized asks me for help. I tell them right away that I'm happy to help, but I don't expect them to do anything in return because I don't want our relationship to be based on power imbalances.

In my relationships with marginalized loved ones, consent and the right to say no are very important. I work to make it easy for them to say no to me without being judged.

My commitment to having ethical and fair relationships comes from the pain I've felt when people didn't recognize their own power. If I don't keep learning and thinking about myself, I know I could hurt other people.

Both in society and in our personal lives, power dynamics are everywhere, and it's important to be aware of them so we can hurt each other less. Maya Angelou said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." This reminds me to always try to improve my relationships with my loved ones and make them more ethical and fair.

As people with power, we have to face our own biases and fight against the unfair status quo for our marginalized loved ones.